Agony
by SlamRSlam
Summary: I reposted this in an easier to read format. Harm and Mac's reaction to Enemy Below


Title: Agony  
  
Author: Laura slammerslam@yahoo.com   
  
Category: H/M Angst  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Spoilers: Enemy Below, Lifeline, Jag-A-thon   
  
Disclaimer: not mine  
  
Summary: Harm and Mac's reaction to the events of Enemy Below  
  
Feedback: Please :)  
  
Author's Notes: This is my first posted fanfic...only my second attempt at writing one. Takes place immediately after Enemy Below. Keep in mind I had no beta reader. I'm sorry for any mistakes.   
  
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Harm had made it back to the Seahawk once again safe and sound. He had once again returned as the hero of the day. How did he always manage to do that? Mac pondered. Maybe that's why he hadn't wanted to talk of death when she said she wanted to go down fighting like Butch Cassidy. Maybe believing he was invincible gave him an edge when facing life or death situations. Mac knew that Harm lived in a world where you couldn't lose control. He said it himself on the Admiral's porch during her engagement party, "You lose control, you die." Maybe if Harm would be able to accept the fact that he was going to die one day, he would be able to lose control. Then maybe they could be together. But Mac didn't want Harm to die inside before she and their love for one another could live. It wouldn't be fair to either of them.   
  
Or perhaps she was scared that his analysis of her love life was right. Anyone who was involved with her was either dead or feels like they were. She didn't want to risk hurting Harm. Not the way she had hurt Chris, Colonel Farrow, Dalton and Mic. Even her best friend Eddie had died for being with her. Maybe she was a curse.   
  
Whatever the reason, Harm and her just couldn't seem to work things out between them. Maybe it was for the better, Mac concluded with a sigh as she stared out over the vast blue ocean. She leaned on the railing of the fantail, hunched over as the wake of the aircraft carrier streamed past with a hypnotizing affect.  
  
Lt. Colonel MacKenzie felt a looming presence come up behind her. She knew it was Harm, even though he made no sound as he approached. She turned around smiling broadly. She expected to see him flashing his notorious 'fly boy' grin after saving the day once again.   
  
"Hey Batman, decide to take out the Tomcat for a joy ride instead of the Batplane?" she joked. Her smile faded quickly after seeing his face. His blue-green eyes were clouded with tears. He had tried to hold them back but soon lost the battle after hearing her voice. Watery tears began weaving down the contours of his face.  
  
"Harm, what's wrong?" Mac's voice and demeanor quickly becoming filled with concern for her partner and best friend.  
  
"It's Bud." The looming and proud naval officer managed to choke out. He continued on, not really knowing how to say it. His voice trembled as he continued in barely an audible whisper, his voice cracking with emotion. "He was just helo'd into sick bay. All I know is that while at a ground breaking at a school in Afghanistan he stepped on a mine. He's in sickbay in critical condition. The corpsman didn't know if he was going to make it."  
  
The words rushed out and the tears kept falling. Mac's eyes began to burn with tears when she heard the news. All she could say in her shock was "Oh my God."  
  
The colonel and the commander embraced one another trying to give one another comfort. Their tears meshed for their friend.   
  
The last time Harm had broken down and let himself cry was when he found out where his father was buried in Russia. He was finally allowed a sense of closure and relief from the anguish within him since he had learned his father was MIA on Christmas Eve of 1969. Anguish he had felt since his childhood.  
  
And now he cried for his best friend, Bud Roberts. He cried for the uncertainty, fear and sadness Harriet would feel when she heard the news, and he cried for little AJ Roberts, his Godson, if his father should not survive this horrendous ordeal.  
  
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AN: Sorry to leave this hanging. I don't know if I will write a sequel to this or not. I like this as a stand-alone piece for now. 


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